for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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