My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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