he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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