I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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