Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
