dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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