I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
