**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
