I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
