I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
