I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
