the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
