Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
