chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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