i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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