does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
