High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize