I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
