I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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