haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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