I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
