Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize