They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you didnt know i had herpes?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i need some magic done to my vagina
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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