I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
