i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize