if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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