I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize