garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
