Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
