I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize