I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
