Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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