idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize