Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
