some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize