I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
