You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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