I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
