my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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