Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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