All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
