where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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