TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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