i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
