his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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