I am in a vortex of obligation.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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