I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Hippo gnu deer
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
