you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Randomize
