vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
