nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You made out with two different species that night
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
