The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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