just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
