Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
