I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize