But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
