you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
