and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
