guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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