Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
