i already hear my dad disowning me
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
