...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the day after is always just damage control
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
