You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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