but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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