Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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