I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
