yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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