the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
