If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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