Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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