I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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