Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
