oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You're like the curious george of whores
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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