You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize