Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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