I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
