You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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