How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
