I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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