Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
