Christians are straight up FREAKS
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
