My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
