Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
