I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
