I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize