Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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