There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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