Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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