While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
