I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
